I think a lot of this depends upon the part in question, but one needs to think about this process on a microscopic scale.
In many cases, if you looked closely the surfaces would look like mountains and craters. First thing is to knock the tops off the mountains, this may require 400 grit, at steel is hard! You will be there all day with less and not get the job done.
I want hills and valleys!, then take out any roughness with the finer paper. 1000 grit is real fine, guess one could go further, but I usually find nothing the Dremel and red rouge will not make shine like a mirror.
The flat tops of the hills and valleys just need to pass each other without dragging or catching on each other.
If there was such a thing as two perfectly flat surfaces passing each other, more drag could be induced via stiction.
But that is another story!